Family dinner has always been close to my heart. This is why I developed “DishItGirl.” I was cooking for family and friends. In addition, I was cooking every night for my husband. I started sharing what was for dinner and it opened up a whole new world.. I went from school counselor by day to navigating the food blogging world by night. I had no idea what I was doing. I still don’t, I am a forever rookie. However, I was endlessly excited and passionate about something.
As time went on, I built a small business and translated that into becoming a personality of sorts. I started traveling the east coast for morning show segments. I had crockpots brewing in the hotel rooms. A trunk will filled coolers and bins of kitchen accessories. I rolled up to these places and they watched this little girl load into their studio. I always wondered how crazy they thought I was! I did some commercial work with Red Lobster and had a great run on Home and Family. I had the pleasure of being on Fox and Friends, and PIX 11 among many other appearances. I traveled around doing cooking demos at events. All things I thought I could NEVER do. Feeling like I was never qualified but blessed. Blessed to share how my family gathers and hope to encourage others to do the same.At home, I was always cooking. Always inviting friends over, and filling my house on Sundays. I hosted Christmas parties, brunches, anything I could! I would jam pack my townhouse with my family on any Sunday or special occasion I could.
In February of 2017 we moved into our new home. I was excited to fill that house with new memories. Then, Siena came early in July. Although it was a tough time, I still had dreams in my heart of having her know her home to be one filled with family. Making memories around the table and in the kitchen just as I did. I wanted her to wake up from her naps smelling garlic and oil frying just as I did while my mom made meatballs as I slept, However, I spent a month in the hospital. Our house was quiet as we all recovered. Then things changed. If you have read my previous blog you know about my postpartum. I do not want to detail it again. The house was quiet for a long time. One of the saddest side effects was that I could not bring myself to have anyone over. I didn’t have the strength, I was too tired all the time. I would think that I was going to have time to cook or shop, then she wouldn’t nap all day. Life was unpredictable in a way that I could not handle. I needed time to heal and take any added pressure off of myself. It was disappointing but I had to let it go for the time being.
She is nearing 10 months old, and I am finally having my first full Sunday dinner in months. As I looked at the set table and the full oven I cried. She was still napping and everything was done right before everyone’s arrival. I had a quiet moment, and I thanked God. Such a simple thing I would take for granted. It haunted me for so long that I couldn’t find the strength to do what was so routine for me. Something I loved to do.
I am finally getting more sleep as is Siena. I think my therapy and medication has helped take the edge off of my anxiety. As she gets older I am probably getting more used to things. Of course, God is good, he gives me strength every day. Of course, there are still struggles but that is not the focus of this post. My point is you will come back around again. However, you will be finding a new you and a new way of being. You will be starting to become comfortable with your new “normal.” Perhaps embracing what has changed. Your triumphs no matter how large or small signify you are moving forward. Therefore, you should be looking forward to what is next. Whether it is just being content surviving every day with your little one or jumping back into something you love to do. Just remember to continue to give yourself grace. Accept the bad days or moments knowing they are just that. Pieces of time that will pass and give way to new moments, new days. Right now, I have made the choice to focus on family. To wait on where God wants me next. To accept if he has a change in plans for me. I am trying to be content where I am as long as it is where he wants me. For whatever reason, I am in a holding pattern. But it is giving me more time to hold Siena. I suspect it is a gift God is giving me!