A Case for NOT Doing it ALL

photo by laurel creative

Writing this opinion based blog post could get me in a lot of trouble. However, I do feel it may help someone else take it easy on themselves. Or it may cause them to give themselves break from the mental stress of berating themselves for not getting it "all” done. Therefore, these thoughts are worth writing. This is not a case for anti-feminism or whether or not you should be a working mom. It is not an argument about what level of childcare is “right.” It is simply posing the question, am I exhausting myself trying to “do it all” because that is what the outside world has made me feel like i should be striving for. Also, what is your definition of having it all? What does that look like or mean to you?

After having Siena it seemed like I immediately focused on what I was NOT doing. What I felt like I wasn’t handling well or enjoying. For me, I was home alone with a newborn with social media as my contact with the outside world. My feed was flooded with photos of moms who looked “tired” but like a cute tired. Their hair was in a cute messy bun, they had no make-up on but permanent eyelash extensions. Then there were the moms who seemed to “snuggle” their newborns for 2 weeks but then were back in the swing of things. Back to work, back to hot yoga, or back in the hair stylists chair for some “me” time. Or there was the mom whose husband was home all different hours and knew exactly how to pitch in. So she had some time to take a bath with a glass of wine. Then I saw the mom who had the guts to take her 3 or 4 month old a plane to get to business meetings. Or the one who had coverage at home which allowed her to go on business trips. Now as a note, I am not “hating” on any of these things. In fact, it was and is the exact opposite. All I could ask myself over and over again was how come this is not me. How come I am not organized enough to make it work? Why am I not able to drink 10 cups of coffee with a messy bun on top of my head and just “keep going.” I didn’t and I still do not feel part of any mom tribe so to speak. Sometimes I fall into these categories, most of the time I do not.

I felt consistently out of balance, in fact I still do. When everything is shouting at me, oh look it’s hard, but I do it. Oh, I feel guilty sometimes but we are all better for it. Sometimes I am not sure how I feel about that. Mom guilt is real and super hard to deal with. But I find myself asking lately if I am really so guilty, is it worth it AT THIS POINT in time? I think that threshold is different for everyone. Also, based on SO many different life and personality factors. However, maybe it is worth a look sometimes. It is true, this is just a season, they are only little once. Will the choices I am making now leave me regretful, or help me build our future? Am I truly missing enjoying this moment in front of me. All because I am trying to work faster and do more with the hours in my day?

I started finding myself consistently sick, tired, frustrated, and just exhausted from struggling to be everything. Trying to keep up with having a “business.” Which means recipe testing, always being new and innovative. Always being online, grovery shopping, planning, and I should be up all night planning posts. Plus, I was still responsible for everything at home and doing everything I can for Siena. Which of course is a choice I am glad to make. But it was making me mad. Just plain mad, all while trying to conceal those feelings. The truth is no one knows everything about everyone’s life. How much help they have behind the scenes. Whether it is they are comfortable putting their child in daycare. Or they have the means for sitters and nannies. No one knows everyone’s financial situations, or what things looked like when they started. Also, people have different personalities that allows them to handle situations differently. So many things factor into how people achieve “it all.” The problem is we aren’t seeing the help they have in achieving these goals. And again, it is great to have help and have all your ducks in a row. That is not what I am saying. But for those who do not have all of this in place, trying to do everything alone will leave you tired and frustrated.

Luke 12:15 And he said to them, “Take care, and be on your guard against all covetousness, for one's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.”

At the very base of everything I have a wonderful family, a husband who loves me, a modest home we built, and healthy little girl. However, it wasn’t enough for me. But why was it enough for my mom? I feel like I have been told that women like my mom are a thing of the past. Nobody should happy at home with their kids. I mean how dare you? Don’t you know women fought to be equal?! To which, I am not knocking. We deserve all of that. But we also deserve to not have to partake in ALL of it. It is okay not to be president of the company, the PTA, and be a “boss babe.” Why must I be all these things to be of value? Because I am a woman and people are telling me I can. Or that I should because that is where my worth lies?

Pick what is important to you. That should be between you, God, and your family. I wish it was more socially acceptable and praised to be self aware. To know when having it all has become overwhelming. When it is making you feeling like you drowning in your failure instead of excited with determination. When you realize you are spending all of your time trying to reach ahead instead of embracing the now.

Sometimes taking a break and accepting the season you are in can be the smartest move you can make as a woman. Again, this is just an opinion. I wish I could parent back in the days when my mom did. When you didn’t see what everyone was doing. There was space to just run your home and not feel like you needed to run a million dollar business influencing. So I would like to take a stand for my sanity and say that there is something to be said about knowing when to shut it ALL off for awhile. Allow God to reveal to you what is next, or maybe what’s not. Allowing yourself to focus on contentment instead of instead of being plagued by a constant driving force for awhile.

Phillipians 4:6-7  Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Please note: This is an opinion based article that is meant to give food for thought.